How does a gardening loving, fashionable, University of Delhi educated young Nepali girl from a zamindar family in Assam willingly lands up in the slums and villages of Ahmedabad in Gujarat?
Meet 25 year old Nibedita Parajuli who opted out of a corporate career to work as a Gandhi Fellow of Kaivalya Foundation. In conversation with Tilak Jha, Nibedita talks about her journey and how one month of ‘slum immersion’ changed her life.
How did Nibedita Parajuli got into social service?
My father, Kamal Parajuli, is a professor and we have kind of zamindar family. But he was associated with a lot of developmental things. When I was a child, he started an NGO ‘Grameen’ like the Grameen Bank of Md. Yunus. At that time, no one including my mother believed that saving Rs. 10 a month can change the life of a village woman. I used to accompany him on his village trips as a kid. That was when this whole development bug entered my mind.
Later in the course of studies, things got lost. As a child I was a dumb in studies but when I reached Std. VIII, I realised that I should study. In Class X, I became the district topper. I went to Cotton College, Guwahati and then I came to Delhi to Miranda House. It was again all about studies. But it was there in the unconscious.
Then, I started pursuing Masters in Sociology from Delhi School of Economics. The course had no field work. Everyone talked about development but no one was really bothered about it. I hated it. My first year marks were equally horrible. Second year was different only in terms that we started ‘talking’ about the issues in debates, in canteen. We talked about sustainable development, child labour and similar issues. But I knew that it was all in the air. It was just talk.
During one such talk on child labour, once came a child and offered me tea. I felt pity. That raised a storm inside me. I began to question myself if I was going to remain one who keeps talking about it all from their own comfort zone.
Gandhi Fellowship by Kevalya Foundation came after some time. I felt that this is for me. They sent me to Ahmedabad and now it’s about to be almost two years.
How difficult were your initial months as a Gandhi Fellow coming out of the life of Delhi?
When I went for it, I thought that since I feel for it, I can do it. But I realised that feeling for something is one thing but doing actually is different.
After the induction, in the first month, I was sent to a municipal school to teach kids and then to a slum in Ahmedabad for a month without any money or security, not even a mobile. This was the thing that transformed me internally.
As an outsider we always comment about slums as places where there is crime and violence and where people are uncivilized. But when I lived in there for one full month, I found everyone wanting their kids to get educated. All my preconceived notions and biases Bout slums were completely shattered. They were all trying hard for funding their kids’ education, working from morning till late in the night.
The slum immersion gave me a lot of confidence and faith in them and myself.
How was your experience teaching kids?
There were thirty kids and I had one partner named Tanaaz. The first day we went the kids were so loving, telling us ‘Didi’. I and Tanaaz felt happy that we got a bunch of happy, cute kids who love us. After two days we realised that they are not listening to us. They kept saying ‘Didi’, jumping over our head, pulling our hair, liking our earrings.
Teaching kids would be easy, I thought. But making a kid understand that one is one is not a joke. They remembered counting till 40 but if you asked them what would come after 4, they won’t know it.
The fact was they were all suppressed, beaten, demoralised and not allowed to speak.
All of these are legally banned.
Yes. If they don’t beat they use sophisticated ways like keep saying them, that they don’t know anything”. They would make a kid stand in front of the whole class and say about their clothes, family and parents.
There was a kid named Anil. He used to sit alone at the back seat. The teacher always used to call him ‘Nabra baalak’ which means one who can’t understand, in Gujarati. The whole class used to call him ‘kaalu’. But when we started to get to him, we found that he was a very normal kid.
Those kids would have been there with the same set of teachers for years before you went there and they would be there for years after that. How does a one month intervention change things?
I believe that it is they who changed my lives more than I did theirs. But for me, it was the smiles that came on their face in that one month are important.
Then you were sent to a slum.
Yeah, we were not told in the beginning that the fellowship would involve going to a slum. So, I was really scared when the director told us.
We were three fellows and a room was arranged for us. But that’s it. We were not provided money and not allowed to use mobile either. The first day I went, an acquaintance got food for us. The second morning it was Ganpati festival. People were dancing when we went there. We had no clue how to break ice or talk to someone. Then a girl smiled at me and I jumped in the dance. The inhibition was gone. Then people started asking where we were from, what we were doing. Some of them asked for tea, others for food. Once we started teaching the kids without money they started us inviting for food.
There were lots of things I learnt there. We also had to sleep at times without food and that made us realise the importance of food. Throughout our life we kept nagging to our moms that we don’t want to eat this and that.
I also went to sell chaniya choli (ghaghra choli) with ‘Lalita didi’ for three days. Once two rich women came to buy a choli. They were talking in English about what to buy. I told them in English that this looks better on you. And they kept looking at me.
For the first time I was on the other side. I felt ashamed the way we bargain with poor rickshaw pullers and shopkeepers for Rs. 5 or Rs. 10. We don’t do so when we go to Pantaloon or supermarket.
The slum experience completely transformed me. The experience also helped me a lot in negotiating with the headmasters who used to say that their parents don’t want to teach them, that they are backward and all.
Interestingly, I didn’t fell ill and didn’t come across any case of violence over one month of my stay either. Though there were other Gandhi Fellows who had bad experience. I feel that there are good and bad people everywhere.
Gandhi Fellowship is a two year long commitment.
And then came the PLDP (Principal Leadership Development Programme) under which I was assigned 11 schools. The first year passed with them. The idea of PLDP was that if the principal of a school changes, the school changes. So, we focused on bringing up principals as leaders.
In the beginning, they all joined us easily thinking we are one another NGO which will bring something for the schools. But when they realized that we were bringing no material benefits, they began excuses saying there was so much of paperwork and they don’t have time.
Did the principals change at the end of the year?
Overall it was both good and bad experience. I was not able to bring as much tangible change as I would have liked but I did get things moving.
What did your parents tell about it all?
My parents don’t know much about it. I never told them. They just know that I am working with some NGO. They wanted me to prepare for civil services and they were really sad about my idea of joining Gandhi Fellowship.
Was there any point when you felt like giving up?
Yes there was. In the first month itself, I got my train tickets and package ready to leave. Our coordinator came and told me, ‘Nibedita, leave if you want to but don’t regret it ever’.
I felt like this was something I really wanted to do and fought with my parents to come here. I was sure I was going to regret it for the rest of my life.
What did you do in the second year of fellowship?
After PLDP they asked us to chart our future career and I chose the marketing of the Gandhi Fellowship programme. I went to Assam and am looking forward to get at least half a dozen fellows from my home state.
You were used to the life of University of Delhi for so long. What are the things that you stayed with and what things changed?
When I was here in Delhi, I always used to be well dressed in branded kurta and there was a feeling that if you are not wearing good clothes, you are not smart. Once I decided to be a Gandhi Fellow and especially after the slum immersion, it was all gone.
One word that you used in the beginning for a child was pity. Do you feel pity for the fashionable colleagues of yours now?
I do. They are really in a fancy bubble. And they can’t even escape out of it. I also feel bad about the children in private schools since they are also deprived of their childhood. I have a cousin in class IV and he always talks like a matured person.
In June, this fellowship is going to come to an end. What are your future plans?
I want to work in social sector in the northeast for some time, gain some experience and start something of my own later on; may be in the education sector or something for tea estate workers.
Nibedita, we wish you all the best in your social endeavours.
Thank You.
The story was published on iSikkim.com
